Haircuts, Humility and Hindsight!

About a week ago my wife decided that she was going to try our brand new, shiny hair clippers on my thinning hair. She has cut my hair for the entire 21 years that we have been married and I think has done a great job with just a comb and scissors.

Well, she decided that an electric clippers would be even better to cut my graying hair.

Before we started the ordeal, I muttered to her that I hoped that God wasn't using this as an opportunity to teach me humility.  She asked me if she made a mistake if I would still love her and I said that I would.  That kind of sounds like a setup, doesn't it?

We carefully chose the clipping attachment that gave me the chance for the longest hair after the cut.  This attachment just wasn't doing the job very well for my wife so she went to the next shorter attachment.  It, too, wasn't clipping the hair to my wife's approval and so she went even shorter.

Not much was said over the next 10 minutes until my wife said that I needed to be prepared for what I was about to look at in the mirror! What happened between the clippers weren't cutting enough off to being buzz cut without any input? So God was using this event as an opportunity to teach me humility!

My immediate reaction was what am I going to say to my co-workers and friends? Perhaps a preemptive strike on Facebook or Twitter might be appropriate. My mind was kind of racing at the moment. Does it really look as short as I think it does? Yes, it does!

Since this happened last week I surprise myself every time that I look in the mirror. Oh yeah, that's right.  I don't have any hair left!  I have started to get used to it by now though and it doesn't appear to be the earth-shattering event that I first perceived it to be.

For instance, there are a lot of advantages to having ultra short hair:

It dries instantly when I get out of the shower.

I have no need for a hair brush thus saving money.

I can drive on the freeway with the windows down and my hair never gets messed up.

Women run their fingers through my 1/4" hair (okay, so it's my wife and daughters making fun).

I can be mistaken for my better looking older brother quite easily now.

In hindsight the big deal that I thought this was going to be turned out to be an opportunity to evaluate all the positives that came out of an event that I thought was going to humiliate me. It was exactly the opposite of what I thought would happen.

How about you?  What has happened in your life that you thought was humiliating only to learn later that it was a useful learning opportunity for you? When we take stock of what happens to us and what is the ultimate outcome of that event, many times we forget the useful lessons that pop up before our eyes if we are only willing to see and use them.

What I learned is that it is easy to go right to the negative side of things before ever considering the positive, helpful outcome of an event we perceive to be humbling. We need to stop and take time to evaluate the event for its true value in our lives.

Michael McKinney reviews a book entitled, "Opportunity Screams", that can be quite helpful in building relationships and businesses. The author states, “It’s all connected. Transparent, honest, caring relationships bring meaning, happiness and growth to your business and to your life.” This will help you evaluate relationships and events for their true value in your life.

Marybeth Hicks writes a thoughtful article on the need to stay committed in our marriages.  She claims that we are short on commitment and long on excuses. In a study released by the Pew Research Center, it shows that Americans are not concerned for the most part about the disintegrating family.  In fact, many people state that the variety of families (single parent, cohabiting partners, step families) in America are good for America.

Hicks claims that the decline of traditional families is taking an economic, social and spiritual toll on our nation.  She feels that marriage is hard but definitely worth the effort.

Finally, renowned British historian, Paul Johnson, has a new book out. "Humorists" is given a positive review in the New York Times.  The Times say that it will give us a good laugh.  I think it is time to visit Amazon!

I think that it's important to evaluate every event in our lives for the value it can bring to our lives in a positive way.  Perhaps it helps us to not take ourselves so seriously in matters that don't really weigh in as important -- especially the length of hair!  Oh, that's right, it grows back!

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

Use It While You Have It!

Over the last two weeks I have been able to visit some friends who are a bit older and are struggling with some health issues.  It has been a real education to listen to them talk to me and themselves about aging and what frustrates them.

One couple is to the point where they can't move around unless they are using walkers.  The husband has to keep his leg elevated in order for it not to throb for most of the day.  He said he is feeling the effects of growing older.  I asked him if he was frustrated by this condition and he responded that "it comes with the territory!"  I hope that I can say that when health challenges start to plague me!

Another elderly friend has suffered a couple of strokes and is in a nursing home.  She is not always able to explain clearly what she wants to convey to her listeners.  One word can mean several different things to her and the listener has to figure out what she is trying to say.  It can be a trying time for both the speaker and the listener.

I asked a speech pathologist if my friend was thinking properly and she stated the indeed she was clear in her thinking but because of the location of the stroke, could not convey with clarity what she was trying to say. How frustrating for her!

This got me thinking about communication and how we can take it for granted.  I'm sure this friend of mine that struggles to convey her thoughts would give almost anything so that she could communicate with ease with those around her.  Most of us, if given the chance, can communicate with ease yet sometimes we choose to be lazy and miscommunicate or under-communicate essential information and emotion.

George Bernard Shaw once said that the single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place!

We think that we have talked to someone about something but in reality we haven't communicated anything because we haven't thought about the words we use to describe what we want to say!  Huh?

Like my friend who uses the same word for several different people, places or objects, we don't always use the right words to communicate clearly with those around us.  I see myself doing this because I want to do the shorthand version of speaking clearly.  Short hand writing is clear to the one who is trained in it but to others it doesn't mean anything.

If we take shortcuts when we communicate with others the same principle applies.  What we say may make sense to us but it doesn't mean anything to the person to whom we are talking. The words we use mean something to us but not to the person uneducated in our vocabulary. Our experiences, our emotions and the society in which we live all play a part in how and what we communicate.

When we assume what we say is easily understood especially if we are lazy in how we communicate, we risk being misunderstood or a relationship we treasure can be conflicted or a team with great potential can be mediocre.  Is it worth choosing our words carefully when we think of communication with this end result in mind?  It can be the difference between success and failure.

I'm sure my friend would give anything to back up in her life and be able to explain her intentions clearly any time that she would like to do so. Effective communication is skill that is learned but let's not take it for granted.  There may come a time when the skills we enjoy or could enjoy now won't be at our disposal.  My friend is experiencing this now.

Remember what Anthony Robbins says about communication: "To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others."  Good advice!

Guy Deutscher writes a thoughtful article about how our mother tongue can shape our experience of the world.  It will help us think about how we communicate with others and that we may need to look at communication from their perspective.  You can read it here.

Mike McKinney explains how bees instinctively communicate with one another to achieve success.  He uses it as a model for our success.

I hope that we will always appreciate and strive for effective communication -- don't take something for granted that could suddenly be taken away from us.

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

Symbols, Words and Gardens!

I’ve just finished directing a teen camp in Southwest Washington this past week and I have to say that it was quite a satisfying experience.  It is amazing how much you can learn about yourself when working with other people, especially teens!  Teens tend to speak their minds and point out obvious truths that we might miss because of the layers of pretense and posturing that goes on in adults minds.

It was refreshing to hear the questions asked and responses given on subjects as personal as dating and hygiene and as mundane as reading habits or washing clothes.  I need to remember to answer more frankly and without pretense when asked questions about simple things in my life.

One highlight of camp for me was not necessarily directly associated with camp.  With a colleague, I walked three miles every morning during camp.  We would awake at 5:30 a.m. and walk for an hour up into the Washington woods beside the beautiful Washougal River.  I’m not sure why conversations are better during a walk but they seem to be that way.

It was hard to see these walks coming to end as well.  They cleared our minds; got us ready for the day ahead; cemented our goals in regard to camp and overall, brought us closer together as friends.

At home I walk with 3 lb. weights but I didn’t want to drag them along with me because of the size.  So my colleague and I found rocks that were about the same weight and size and used them in place of the regular weights.   It was kind of fun walking through the woods with rocks as weights – it felt as though we were going organic!

At the end of camp my colleague decided to take his “weights” home with him.  He printed his name on them and packed them in his vehicle, ready to use them when he arrived home!  I guess to me it was like a symbol.  It was a symbol of the commitment that we had made during camp.  We both want to continue to exercise and get back into better shape physically and mentally so that we can continue to excel at our professions.  The “weights” were a symbol of that commitment!

What symbols can you have or do you have in your life that can act as a reminder to stay committed to goals and behavior that will help you excel in your life or profession?  Is it important to you to have these mini-motivators in your daily routine?

Think about what can help you stay on track with whatever goals you want to achieve and find a symbol that will encourage you daily to stay committed to the path that you have chosen.  You will be surprised how motivated you will be to your goal if you have a reminder every day.  Don’t pass up this opportunity to excel!

I have discovered a new website that I think will help you excel in one area of your life – vocabulary!  For years, studies have shown a correlation between good communication skills and success in school and vocations.  You can be sent a word a day with its meaning and uses from Wordsmith.org.  I think that you will find it useful.

Kevin Eikenberry examines the proper balance between life and work. Have you ever thought about what is important as far as setting boundaries in our personal and business lives?  Can we stay off the internet at home?  Can we say no to calls that come during supposed family time?  The answers to those questions will determine whether you have balance or imbalance in your life!  Take a look!

Here is one writer's mental wandering through the garden and what memories it brings to life in general.  I hope that we can find something as simple as a garden to bring peace and reflection to our lives.  It's important to remember the simple things that we experience with a sense of context!

As I said in the beginning of this blog, I have learned a lot from the teens that I worked with at summer camp.  They taught me to be more frank and honest with my feelings and behavior and not to get entangled with layers of pretense and posturing.  It is a lesson that I shouldn't forget.  I just hope that I can help them get a sense of perspective as they make their way through their life.  Goal setting is imperative but time out with friends and family are as well.  How we tackle this aspect of our lives will determine what type of input we can give to those within our sphere of influence. Let's not take this lightly!

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier 

Amygdalae, Private Space and Us!

My family is very blessed to live next to a park with a walking/jogging track as I have explained to you in another post. Almost every morning I get to walk around the park using "heavy hands" to make sure my heart rate gets up there so that I can lose weight, build muscle and tone my body.

I have been keeping this routine for about 5 years and as I walk around the park the other faces change from time to time. There are very few people that were exercising 5 years ago that are still at the park exercising today. But for the last two years it seems that we have formed a pretty consistent group that walks early in the morning.

I have come to know some of the joggers/walkers by name and I look forward to saying hi every morning. It is fun to see them out there every morning laboring away at the same goal that I have for myself -- to lose weigh and/or get in shape!

There is another group that is out there everyday that will not say hi to me unless I say hi to them first. I really don't understand it because I have said hi to them a hundred times but they still look down when approaching and won't say anything unless I take the first step. It is like they have a personal space that they don't want invaded.

Every now and then my daughters walk with me and they are amused that I have a goal to say hi to everyone that is on the track in the park. My daughters say that I will have that reputation of "the man at the park that always says hi" if I keep doing what I'm doing. I think that type of reputation is one that I would like to have for myself. It is something that I try to do all the time in every situation.

One time our family was in Hawaii for a vacation and we were in the elevator with an elderly couple. I said hi and starting asking where they were from and what they were doing in Hawaii. After they got off the elevator one of my daughters asked why I talked to everyone and made the effort to communicate with this couple from Iowa. After all, she said, they could be killers or ax-murderers! I assured her that an 80 year old couple from Iowa would probably not make very good ax-murderers and that I was just trying to be friendly and build bridges.

This incident seems funny but let's put it into real life situations.

What keeps you and me from talking to each other, whether it is on the track in a park or in an elevator? You know the drill -- you stare at the floor numbers in the elevator and are painfully aware that it is taking forever to get to the floor that you are on in order so that you can jump out and go to your room and lock the door! What makes us put our head down so that we don't have to make eye contact and say hi?

It isn't just in personal relationships, either. It happens in international relationships and between businesses as well. Many things are said from afar where eye to eye contact can't be made and therefore accusations and assumptions spread more easily. It is harder to say something critical about someone when you are looking them in the eye, isn't it? Perhaps the reason we don't want to open up to people wherever we see them is that it opens up a piece of our private space to them and we feel vulnerable.

Opening up and perhaps being vulnerable is exactly what we have to do to build bridges to stronger relationships. But it takes practice! Try it sometime for an extended period of time. Try to assess if you feel more confident in how you feel about you and your private space.

It will begin to improve one little step at a time!

Mike McKinney states that we need to develop a "small-wins" strategy for success. Mike states that small-wins mentality focuses on the here and now. What is working for us now opens up our thinking to possibilities and paves the way for improving the process. Think about this strategy when it comes to communicating with someone and opening ourselves up for new possibilities for relationships.

There are a lot of movies coming out right now that are documentaries about celebrities. People apparently want to know the real story about fallen celebrities or politicians or celebrities making comebacks and the films are starting to make a splash at the box office and on television. When a disgraced celebrity agrees to cooperate with the filmmaker the tone seems to be a bit gentler because of having to look at them face to face. That's an interesting point! You can read about it here.

We might even have science on our side if we don't like talking to people or have difficulty being close to people. It might be that our amygdalae, a region in the brain that controls fear and the processing of emotion might be damaged or not functioning properly. Time.com writer John Cloud explores what this means for some of us.

So how big does our private space need to be? If it is quite large, is it hurting our chances of nurturing relationships and meeting new friends or just building bridges? I suggest that we say hi to the 80 year old couple from Iowa in the elevator and take the chance that they aren't killers or ax-murderers!

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

Cooking with Butter!

I watched the movie, "Julie/Julia" a couple weeks ago and had forgotten that Julia Child had died a few years ago. I had to go dig out my Julia Child & Company cookbook and look through the recipes and the history of her show on PBS. This led to a rededication to cooking with butter and having friends and family over to share a meal.

It was interesting to see how much Julia not only cooked in her kitchen but also entertained in her kitchen. To me, it was an interesting insight into what really brings people together and makes the bonds that last a lifetime. It's not that everything has to be perfect and I think that Mrs. Child would have agreed with that because of the practicality of most of her recipes. It appears that she was more concerned with the people she associated with and used food as a bridge to bring her friends and family together.

How about us? What do we do or use to bring people together? Let's back up a step and ask, "do we want to bring people together?" Is that a goal of ours? If our intent is to make relationships and communities stronger, isn't this a goal that we must make our own? Whether you want to use food or not is up to you. What vehicle could you and I use to make this happen in our families and our communities?

The economy isn't looking as good as we hear it should be on the news and I suspect that it is going to be years before we truly see relief, if we see it at all. What can you and I do to enable other people to feel strengthened in their neighborhoods and communities? When is the last time you really stopped and talked to your next door neighbors? Do you know their names? You may find that very important in the near future.

The future right now is uncertain from an economic outlook and I'm wondering if we shouldn't reassess what our priorities are toward those within our sphere of influence. Perhaps we should take a look at ourselves and see if strengthening relationships and communities is a priority for us. We may need to be more resourceful in this regard as we head into the future.

There seems to be a trend in New York City for some college educated entrepreneurs that have lost their jobs to use food as a means to make a living. In the process they are finding a family to share concerns with -- it's a community! You can read about it here.

Kevin Eikenberry says that we should find something that we can celebrate about with those within our sphere of influence. Is there family news that we can share? Is there a piece of information that could build a bridge within your relationships? If you want to read this, you can go to Kevin's blog.

I am reading a book that shows how a community in Alaska helped out one of their own after she was injured in a bike accident. "Take Good Care of the Garden and the Dogs" shows a community in action so that a resident can regain her footing in the place in which she lives. It is a novel by Heather Linde.

I have recently completed a review on a Will Marré book about having the right life balance in everything that we do. The book shows us how we must not neglect relationships as we try to find our way in the world. The book is entitled, "Save the World and Still be Home for Dinner." I think that you will find it helpful in many ways.

When you read through her books, you can see Julia Child cared for people and did what she could do to bring them together. She didn't just bring them together she gave them an environment to get to know each other much better than before and to excel as a "family."

What are we going to do to strengthen our relationships and community? I'm going to cook with butter more often and start to exercise rigorously!

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

Are We Enjoying the Journey?

If you have read very many of my blogs, you will come to realize that I am a big proponent of goal setting. If we don't write down our goals and the road blocks that might occur we will never achieve our true potential. We won't have a road map to follow so we end up somewhere else besides where we want our dreams to take us.

I wonder though if some of us are so goal oriented that we forget the journey that we are on. There is no one who is on this journey alone. All of us have people that care for us, unique environments that surround us and challenges and decisions that can and will define us. Have we come to appreciate the day to day blessings that come by interacting and working with special people and families?

Do we strive for our goals at a pace that precludes any interaction and appreciation of what happens before our very eyes if we are conscious enough to notice it?

Many times we miss so much because we are going through personal trials that blind us to other's needs and desires. Even under substantial stress we should be able to appreciate someone else's needs or wants if we look for it.

Do we appreciate the milestones that happen in our children's lives or our friend's accomplishments that we might unintentionally overlook or undervalue? Do we see the bond that is building between our teenager and our mate? Do we appreciate the effort that our maturing children are taking to communicate, learn and grow? Do we comment on it and add to the sum of the parts?

Have we surveyed what is at our disposal and how it helps us to become a complete person? Do we realize that we are more than just the sum of all our individual parts? When we combine with all the elements around us, we receive strength beyond our resources! Don't diminish the journey and the impact that it should have on us. As I have said before, most of us do not slow down long enough to catch the details.

I am reading a novel by Paul Polak entitled, "Out of Poverty". Polak muses over the traditional ways of fighting poverty. The Western brand of poverty eradication is throwing money at a situation. If it doesn't work we funnel more money at the problem and it still doesn't work. Why not?

Polak states that is because we don't go to the people and listen to what they know is the problem. We make our minds up ahead of time and bulldoze our way to the goal we think is in their mind. It hasn't worked and it never will. When will we as a society and culture stop bulldozing and start listening? Most organizations that help don't listen to the details -- we as members of this society must start to listen! Polak states that we must listen and then think simply in order for success to happen.

You can take a look at the book here.

Some of us have been thrown into situations that are less than ideal. We aren't given concrete guidelines or expectations to govern our plans and that can cause stress for ourselves and those within our sphere of influence. Steve Roesler states that we need feedback from the people who are going to help us the most. Do we stop to listen to them?

Courageous people take the time to assess the journey and contribute in ways that enhance the sum of our parts. Miep Gies was one of those people. She didn't discount the importance of looking around for fellow sojourners and offering help -- she has left us with a legacy of hope and sustainability.

All of us have the opportunity to do something small but important that enhances someone else's life and at the same time, ours as well. What is it that you and I can notice on the way to accomplishing our goals and dreams?

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

The Art of Communication

I have the privilege of coordinating a fairly good sized meeting once a year for the company where I am employed. About 300 hundred people attend this yearly meeting and there is much preparation that goes into making this event successful. I have to choose the location, the staff and in some cases housing as well. It is a tough job but rewarding at its successful conclusion.

Because I have coordinated this event for several years, I have gathered a staff of some of the finest people that I have worked with in the industry. Many of the staff are repeats from year to year and know their jobs well. It is reassuring having them back year after year and knowing that they are going to do a great job in their area of expertise.

I don't have to tell them what to do in their particular responsibility because they already know what needs to be done. They size up the situation and go to work making their area of responsibility run smoothly throughout the convention. I trust them completely.

I don't know that much about security issues but I want it to be secure. I don't know very much about staffing issues but I want the convention to be adequately staffed. I don't have expertise in the area of music or information but I want that area to go well. I don't have to know all these areas but I have to communicate what I want to see as an end product.

What does this take in order for this to be accomplished? The Art of Communication! Yes, it is an art and it is an art that needs continual practice!

None of us have the time or the mental capacity to know everything about every area of concern in whatever field of work that we are currently in. It is just impossible to do this. Sometimes when we try to take all of this to ourselves we end up short-circuiting the entire operation because we aren't willing to trust and have the respect for those who have a better perspective about an area of our work than we do. What is our response to this?

Our response to this concern largely determines the success of our work in our field of endeavor.

Many people think that they communicate their concerns and opinions to others when in fact they are just talking. Communicating is so much more than just talking. The definition of communication is the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, etc. So proper communication skills includes listening as well as speaking! We listen to each other and ask questions to make sure that we have understood each other.

When we hire people to work with us we should hire people that we respect and trust. Respect is a component of good communication skills. Respect is what keeps the channels of communication open when relationships run into roadblocks! We need to develop respect for each other so that effective communication can flourish in our relationships. What does that take?

I was pleased to read Mike McKinney's blog this week because he has identified some obstacles that can get in the way of respect and good communication.

Mike is quoting from a book by Air Force fighter pilot Rob "Waldo" Waldman, entitled "Never Fly Solo". Let me give you a quote from it:

Waldo says, “There is a limit to how much you can learn on your own. A good wingman will give you mission-critical feedback, catch your errors, ask questions, and propose challenging scenarios to push you to grow in your skills and mental discipline.” Encouraging others to look out for our blind spots requires a great deal of mutual trust. “These trusted partners, male or female, are your wingmen.”

Are we building the mutual trust and respect that we need for effective communication? Mr. Waldman states that we must build it in ourselves first in order for it to take place in our sphere of influence. Whether it is your family, friendships or at work, build these components of good communication into your skill set so that your relationships will have effective communication.

Will Marré weighs in on the Tiger Woods situation and gives a balanced overview of how we should look at people in the public's eye.

Steve Wiley in The Scientist.com writes that there are communication problems in the scientific circles as well. Here's a quote:

"Open and honest debate has always been necessary for the best science, but mutual respect between the participants is necessary to make it work."

There's that aspect of respect again. It looks as though respect is essential in all areas of our endeavors in order to properly communicate and succeed.

Finally, communication is critical in cases of depression and potential suicide in teenagers. Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg states this:

“They might act angry. But what you’re communicating is: ‘I really listened, I heard you. I’m going to see that you get help, I’m going to take the action you deserve.’ ”

We all need to listen and ask questions and not be afraid to stand up and make sure those around have access to the help and encouragement that they need. It is through this type of respect and trust that effective communication flourishes.

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

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A Relationship with Anything is Hard Work!

Last weekend I addressed a group of people that were "roughing" it in the Southern California mountains at Camp Condor. This area is a beautiful part of California near Gorman, California about 80 miles north of Los Angeles. We had met there to get away from the city and to get to know each other a little better.

I asked the group how many of them had lived their entire life in Southern California. About 7 people out of the 60+ people raised their hands. I explained that most of us have moved around a bit and because of that possibly could have less than a stellar approach to commitment.

I also explained that we can tend to lose focus because of what faces us everyday in the way of information. Internet searches can take us off track so easily and we can still feel that we learned so much by doing that. In reality, we have wasted a huge amount of time by getting off track like that repeatedly throughout the day and not staying focused on our original task.

Think about this in the context of relationships with anything -- does being overloaded with informational options tend to keep us from cementing solid relationships in all areas of our lives?

How many of us understand how much work goes into building a solid marriage? Have many of us have grown a garden or raised animals for food? Have we ever had to repair a fractured relationship? Have we cared for our elderly parents or grandparents?

All relationships, whether with the land, animals, people or perhaps, the environment, take a huge amount of work. Shortcuts rarely work and many times can be incredibly destructive. We are told, however, that we are to live life to the fullest and within that message can come a lack of commitment to values that sustain communities.

What is the result? An agriculture system that uses pesticides and fertilizers that are harmful to humans and the environment. A nursing home industry that is overloaded and in many ways, impersonal. A fast food industry that provides a substantial percentage of our daily diet in foods that actually can kill us if we indulge too much. Relationships that are so shallow! We probably don't even know our next neighbors in many cases. In many ways, we have received exactly what our lifestyles have demanded for us.

While at this camp, I talked to someone who teaches children who have emotional problems. We discussed that his main goal was to teach these young people how to properly think about themselves and the relationships that they have with others. How about us? Do we take the time to properly think about the different relationships that we should have with everything around us or are we so overloaded with informational options that we have lost the focus that it takes to do that?

Have we lost the commitment to values that sustain a community? If we have, how do we change? First of all, we must realize that solid relationships with anything take time and hard work. Are we committed to these relationships even knowing that is the case? Secondly, we must think about the impact that our conduct and lifestyle has on everything around us -- are we ready to change if we are taking a detrimental approach to values that sustain a community? Every little part helps to create the whole effect!

It means that we have to pay as much attention to what is around us as we do to what we want for ourselves.

It is interesting to note that many people are starting see that they are out of touch with some of the aspects of their community. Whether it is their career choices or raising some of their own food, people are thinking about how they affect the communities in which they live.

Steve Roesler tells us that a little sweetness goes a long ways to attract the right relationships. He also states that we need to sit back and survey what is around us once and a while to gain perspective.

On a sad note, Ted Kennedy has died. Whether you agreed with him or not, you have to admit that he was a integral part of the American landscape for years. George Will writes a balanced perspective on his life.

Gerald Sindell has developed a system called the Genius Machine. Sindell states that after you have used the Genius Machine for a while you will turn into a noticer of things. You will become a better listener as well. These two qualities can help in your quest to be more aware of what is around you. You can read about this on Mike McKinney's blog.

While at the camp, I realized how much there was to the environment that was around me. I was able to focus in on the little things and realize how much makes up what we see around us. It made me think about how I impact what is in my sphere of influence. I hope this article will help you do the same.

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

Cherish What We Have and Get Ready for Change!

I remember the first time that I saw it -- it was a deep cherry color and the pickups were a polished black. I had never seen anything that had so much depth in color. The only blemish was a nick in one of the frets. I figured that I could fix that by polishing it out over time. My 1959 cherry-colored Gibson Melody Maker was perfect for what I wanted and I was getting it for a great price.

I imagine that most of you probably don't get as passionate about an old guitar as I do. This guitar had the best sound that I had heard up to that point. The lead guitarist in our band had a Les Paul but I couldn't afford one and I was the rhythm guitarist for the band and this seemed like the perfect fit.

I played for one more year in that band -- I never did fix the nick in the fret. I just learned to play around it. I had decided that it was time to go back to college so that I could earn a living if by chance I wasn't the next Jimmy Page. I wasn't! In fact, I never played in a band ever again.

I had moved out to Oregon and returned to school to learn how produce, direct and edit video. I had met a lot of new people and Oregon in the early to mid 70's was an eye-opening place for a small town Minnesota boy. I met all sorts of people that would never have been accepted in my small town community simply because of their behavior. I really didn't know what I was getting myself into out west.

I had met a group of friends through a mutual friend and somehow they had persuaded the mutual friend to let them stay at our apartment while we were taking a long weekend up in the Cascade Mountains. I didn't realize this was happening.

I returned home to find that all of my music, stereo system, my banjo and my beautiful Melody Maker were all gone. My "friends" were never to be seen again and neither was my guitar. It broke my heart! I had always taken for granted that I would have my beautiful guitar and eventually get the nick polished out of the fret and have this beautiful antique to play for a long, long time. It just didn't happen the way I envisioned it.

We look at our lives that way sometimes as well, don't we? We actually look at other people's lives that way, too. We figure, sometimes, that the way it is today is always the way it is going to be for us. It probably comes from youthful naivety and lack of forward thinking. It isn't something that is taught in school.

I guess that there are a couple of lessons that I should have learned out of that situation. First of all, choose your friends wisely. I probably shouldn't have been a roommate with the mutual friend that invited the group of "friends" over to our apartment. I hadn't really investigated it very much because I thought that everyone was on the level, aren't they?

Secondly, we should cherish what we have and realize that what we have now and those things that surround us now most likely will not be with us all that long. Life is about experiences and adapting to change when new experiences come our way. Sometimes it is adapting to a new set of circumstances when what we have around us suddenly disappears. We choose our reaction to those changes.

A guitar legend, Les Paul, who has been around a long time and who was so influential in shaping the modern music world, died yesterday at 94 years of age. You can read a couple of news stories about him at Fox News and the New York Times.

Many of you may not enjoy skateboarding (I don't) but you have to appreciate the dedication that skateboarders have to their art. They risk bodily harm to perfect their skills and in some cases give themselves a way to escape the inner city crime scenes of the big city. Andy Kessler, a legendary New York City skateboarder died unexpectedly from an insect bite. You can read about his impact on the inner city skateboard scene here. The article is entitled, "The End of Falling".

Steve Roesler tells us that there are different ways to learn. I especially like point #4 -- make room for the new! New and different opportunities are going to come our way. How do we adapt to them?

For you guitar enthusiasts, I have posted a link to YouTube that gives a demonstration on the new Gibson Melody Maker -- they're bringing them back! Gibson isn't bringing back the cherry colored one but this one will do!

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

The Right Balance of Self-sufficiency!

I grew up on a farm in Minnesota -- that in itself isn't a big deal because many people have grown up in a rural setting. What has come out of that experience, I guess, is what is more important.

My earliest memories are from the mid to late 1950's and include huge white farm houses and red barns. I remember large gardens on my parent's farm as well as my grandparent's farm. We also had a lot of farm animals - cattle, pigs, chickens and of course dogs and cats.

From a very young age, we were taught to work hard and help produce the food that would sustain us economically and physically through most of the year. So we had to weed the garden, feed the animals, prune the fruit trees and maintain the yard.

We didn't appreciate the workload at the time and I'm sure if you asked my parents, they would tell you that we probably had a few words to say about not wanting to do all of this work. But through "encouraging" parents, we learned to do many things that people nowadays haven't a clue how to do.

We canned and froze many vegetables. We butchered chickens and froze them for later use. We made jams and jellies and all sorts of preserved fruit for our traditional German desserts! For many years I took all of this for granted and just labeled it in my mind as something that everyone knew and exerienced. But not so!

Very few of us realize where the food comes from or how it is produced or transported to the grocery store where we pick it up for our eventual use. Very few know of the sacrifices that are made by the entire community for food to come to our tables.

I would have to say that it was a unique upbringing - one that has taught me a small sense of self-sufficiency. You see, we didn't have to buy much food at the store because we had a lot of it grown or produced at home. This training also went into fixing cars and farm implements and repairing tires and fixing buildings when they needed it.

This upbringing and training develops a mindset that when put into an unfamiliar situation, you could work your way through the roadblocks and come out on top! It helps especially in these trying times that we find ourselves in.

I think that if we would give ourselves and our children more of these opportunities, we would see a greater appreciation for the resources that we have at our disposal. We would also not take for granted where our food comes from or the value of the life that gave that food for our sustenance.

It is interesting in these tough financial times that more people are raising livestock in their backyards. Even though they know that it isn't cost-effective compared to buying things like eggs at a grocery store, people want the security that having their own chickens brings. We now find that it isn't just the eggs that they want but also the meat from the chickens as well. It brings a appreciative and thoughtful mindset to the one raising the chickens.

The New York Times talks about how hatcheries are seeing a huge increase in their orders this year over last year. They also talk to a few people on the reason for raising their own animals on their property -- self-sufficiency seems to have a part to play in this.

Kevin Eikenberry states that asking "Why?" can stimulate learning, facilitate discovery, create understanding and quench curiosity; it also can impede progress, insinuate power and suggest judgment. Given these facts, use the "Why?" question with care.

It is important to ask the right questions in order to determine if it will bring us the right answer -- we must have the right tools at our disposal to make these decisions. This can help in having the right balance of self-sufficiency.

Mike McKinney explores a new book about learning to apply the right view and the right conduct to our decision making in order to come to what is best not only for ourselves but those in our sphere of influence. We continue to teach those in our sphere of influence how to think critically! It leads to the right balance of self-sufficiency.

Most of the people that I knew back on the farm realized that we couldn't be totally self-sufficient. What was apparent to many was there was a need to be interdependent on each other. This led to an appreciation of what was given to them and also what it took to sustain a community. Sacrifices had to be made at every level of the community.

I think that if more of us would be closer to the earth and what is grown, we would have a balance of self-sufficiency that would lead to a greater appreciation of plant and animal life and how that life has to be sustained.

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

The Mirror of Friendship!

I have just returned from directing a teen camp in Southwest Washington. It was a wonderful experience and something that I relish from year to year.

I chauffeured 5 teens up to the camp and 5 teens back to California on a road trip that was quite enjoyable considering the energy and interests of the teens with me. I had a great time!

It is amazing the beauty that you can see on one of these road trips. Sometimes we need to stop and look around and let the natural beauty of what surrounds us soak into our minds. I think most of us have a "Phoenix by sunset" mentality when we travel and that limits our ability to allow this to happen. When we slow down we notice things that we wouldn't normally see if we are in a hurry.

One of the things I noticed, especially in Oregon, was the clear-cutting of the forests that had taken place. I'm not here to judge whether that is right or wrong but it did startle me. There were many places where there was a thin line of trees that had been left standing to cover up the clear cutting that I could see from the freeway. It was just a facade! It didn't change the fact that what appeared to be a beautiful stand of douglas firs was simply a thin line of trees to cover up what was behind it.

Sometimes I wonder if we aren't that way in our lives. We have a thin veneer of a facade but behind this facade is something that is different than what most everyone else sees. We think that what is behind is covered up by this facade but almost everyone can see the real landscape if they slow down and take a look.

There are two aspects to this analogy -- we deceive ourselves by thinking that we have covered up what is really inside us and secondly, how many of us slow down so that we can really observe what is going on in someone's life? Perhaps there is a chance for a comment that could help.

George Herbert states that the best mirror is an old friend. We need to be very careful in our approach but we need to help our friends when they are in need! Think about the person that is walking around with their shirt buttoned unevenly -- it looks really odd! You go to that person and tell them what everyone else except for them can see. Shouldn't it be the same way with our personal shortcomings and blemishes? We wouldn't want our friends (or anyone) to go around thinking they are fine but everyone else can see what is wrong. We go to our friends and gently provide the mirror for them.

Conversely, we know when we are off base, mostly. We know when we aren't living up to the standards that we hold dear to us. What usually needs to be done is painful to change but afterwards a quiet, satisfied feeling accompanies being able to overcome something that had kept us from fulfilling our potential. Together, we become stronger!

When someone is performing the delicate task of being a mirror, please don't react harshly. What I have found is that even if I don't agree with the person that is approaching me, I can find useful critique to help me become a better person. It takes courage to listen without getting our defenses up.

I have included a picture of my favorite spot in the Northwest -- I hope that you find it inspiring! Also, I have included a link to an article in the NY Times about summer camps and one danger that goes along with attending some of them.

Steve Roesler states that character and persistence trump adversity -- it's a valuable lesson to have learned when we find ourselves face to face with the need to change. It can be done!

Remember what Goethe says about friendship: "Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being."

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

Focus on the Small Things for Effectiveness!

Over the past two weeks, I have had the opportunity to learn an important lesson from two different situations that are totally unrelated. The first was an interpersonal relationship that needed mending and the second was an article that I am researching for Vision.org website. What was the lesson that I learned?

To be effective, I need to focus on the small things!

This may at first seem ineffective but not when it comes to important actions and tasks in our lives. I thought I was prepared and what I had done was to overlook a part of both of these situations that undermined my effectiveness. I didn't focus on the small things of each situation.

Sometimes we tend to be caught up in the obvious part of a situation and forget to look for the small actions or emotions that really make a difference. It takes action to find out what these small but important contributors are so we can be the most effective. You may not realize this but intellectual or physical laziness can limit our will to take action to find out what would be the best way to resolve relationship differences or complete a task at hand.

The relationship that I am referring to was mended but it could have been welded together if I had taken stock of my emotions and been willing to open up a bit more. I didn't do that at the time of the meeting because I hadn't prepared myself to go there emotionally. It caught me off guard! I didn't think I was going to have to go there.

In regards to the article that I am researching for Vision.org website, I had forgot to focus on a small but important part of the subject that I was researching -- I didn't think it was important because I had overlooked that part of the subject for a while. It turns out that it is a very important part of the subject and I am not prepared to write about it because I am not yet prepared in this area. Here are two illustrations of how not being prepared with the finer details of a situation can limit our effectiveness.

What can we do to avoid this? Be circumspect in all of our dealings with people and issues! Take time to review and rethink each situation or task -- don't rush into things without bringing all the issues onto the table. We forget sometimes, don't we?

An effective way to solve this oversight is to do a checklist before moving forward. I teach this principle all the time so why didn't I do it? I forgot! I got lazy! Kevin Eikenberry talks about this in one of his latest blogs.

Speaking of small things, I read an article in the NY Times this morning that made a lot of sense. It talked about listening to our bodies when we are exercising or eating. Sometimes it is hard to get a bead on what our bodies are saying but if we listen, it will tell us. It could make a huge difference whether we can lose weight or maintain our weight or just get in shape.

I hope that we will focus on these small things and not limit our effectiveness by thinking they are not important.

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier