Cooking with Butter!

I watched the movie, "Julie/Julia" a couple weeks ago and had forgotten that Julia Child had died a few years ago. I had to go dig out my Julia Child & Company cookbook and look through the recipes and the history of her show on PBS. This led to a rededication to cooking with butter and having friends and family over to share a meal.

It was interesting to see how much Julia not only cooked in her kitchen but also entertained in her kitchen. To me, it was an interesting insight into what really brings people together and makes the bonds that last a lifetime. It's not that everything has to be perfect and I think that Mrs. Child would have agreed with that because of the practicality of most of her recipes. It appears that she was more concerned with the people she associated with and used food as a bridge to bring her friends and family together.

How about us? What do we do or use to bring people together? Let's back up a step and ask, "do we want to bring people together?" Is that a goal of ours? If our intent is to make relationships and communities stronger, isn't this a goal that we must make our own? Whether you want to use food or not is up to you. What vehicle could you and I use to make this happen in our families and our communities?

The economy isn't looking as good as we hear it should be on the news and I suspect that it is going to be years before we truly see relief, if we see it at all. What can you and I do to enable other people to feel strengthened in their neighborhoods and communities? When is the last time you really stopped and talked to your next door neighbors? Do you know their names? You may find that very important in the near future.

The future right now is uncertain from an economic outlook and I'm wondering if we shouldn't reassess what our priorities are toward those within our sphere of influence. Perhaps we should take a look at ourselves and see if strengthening relationships and communities is a priority for us. We may need to be more resourceful in this regard as we head into the future.

There seems to be a trend in New York City for some college educated entrepreneurs that have lost their jobs to use food as a means to make a living. In the process they are finding a family to share concerns with -- it's a community! You can read about it here.

Kevin Eikenberry says that we should find something that we can celebrate about with those within our sphere of influence. Is there family news that we can share? Is there a piece of information that could build a bridge within your relationships? If you want to read this, you can go to Kevin's blog.

I am reading a book that shows how a community in Alaska helped out one of their own after she was injured in a bike accident. "Take Good Care of the Garden and the Dogs" shows a community in action so that a resident can regain her footing in the place in which she lives. It is a novel by Heather Linde.

I have recently completed a review on a Will Marré book about having the right life balance in everything that we do. The book shows us how we must not neglect relationships as we try to find our way in the world. The book is entitled, "Save the World and Still be Home for Dinner." I think that you will find it helpful in many ways.

When you read through her books, you can see Julia Child cared for people and did what she could do to bring them together. She didn't just bring them together she gave them an environment to get to know each other much better than before and to excel as a "family."

What are we going to do to strengthen our relationships and community? I'm going to cook with butter more often and start to exercise rigorously!

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

Do Resolutions for Change Really Work?

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately and many of them are full of New Year's resolutions! It is interesting to read about the desire for change in the upcoming year. There are so many different paths that people want to take. Some want to lose weight, some want to get a different job, some want world peace, some want to stop using foul language and others want "free" health insurance and the list goes on and on.

Is writing about change in our lives going to make it better? Perhaps, but what is more important than just writing, dreaming or hoping for change? Isn't making a plan and executing it that is most important?

The reason most resolutions don't work in the long run is because there isn't a plan to follow. We lay out nebulous plans for change and that is exactly what happens -- something nebulous. Well, something definite usually happens -- nothing. We can do this in many areas of our lives until the idea of bettering ourselves hasn't any meaning after a while.

A colleague of mine stated that a friend of hers wanted to go back to college to finish her degreee but has never done it. She said that the friend wanted to get it done quickly but never had the resources to start it or complete it quickly and because of that never got started on it. She said that if her friend would have just taken a course once and a while, over time, she would have finished by now. That takes vision and patience.

Will Marré was asked how long it took to write his latest book. He stated that it took 60 years of experience to put this book together. That takes patience!

People, especially Americans, want everything right now so to take slow, planned, deliberate steps is not our style. The style that many of us employ leads to letdown and ignorance. Please don't do that!

Another stumbling block that stands in our way is the useless information that many of us allow to be placed in our minds. Instead of change for the better, many of us follow the incessant messages that we receive from the society in which we live. We have a herd mentality! We see and hear it around us and we go with the flow of the society and culture that surrounds us. It actually smothers us if we allow it to do that.

What has to happen for effective change to take place? We need to monitor all the areas of input that we can receive and we must define the path that we want to take for the effective change to happen in our lives.

Please don't underestimate the self-control that this will take. Society tells us that it is an easy road to goals that are meaningful. Let me quote Frank A. Clark for an illustration! "If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." Do we believe this? If we are listening to the society in which we live, probably not! Please don't wait a lifetime to figure this out. It takes hard work to achieve our goals and we have to start sometime and somewhere.

Write your goals down and put them someplace where you can see them every day. But don't just make goals. Make a list of roadblocks that could get in the way. By writing down these roadblocks you will be reminded of them if they pop up in your way. You can then remove them on your way to effective change.

Be accountable to someone. Don't do this on your own -- it rarely works! Include someone who you know will help you move toward your goals. Don't get mad at them when they hold your feet to the fire.

Most of all, I think we need to monitor what we allow to influence us. I can't say enough about that! If you are a religious person, read the Bible more. If you are a person who relies on friends, surround yourself with friends that will build you up. If you are into self-motivation, listen to motivational speakers that teach you balance in your approach. Don't get into an "all or nothing" mentality. It doesn't bring balance into your life.

When we do this, watch patiently as we see what we put into our minds and what we act upon, actually changes our lives in a significant way. It is astounding to witness the changes that can happen in our personal lives. Don't wait -- start now!

Debbie DeSpirt at suite101.com states that we don't have to wait to teach our children how to set and achieve goals. They can be taught at a very young age how to plan for the future and achieve the dreams they desire.

"Have I become largely what people have wanted me to become?" It's a question that is pondered by someone at Thought Rocket blog. The dreams and goals that we set -- are they really ours or are we simply going along with the flow of the society that is around us? A good question to ask all of us!

Kevin Eikenberry states that we should set goals with other people as well. This is especially true with parents! Do we set family goals? In order for our family to be involved in the goals and fulfilling the goals, we must get them excited and involved in setting these goals.

Many times around this time of year there is a lot of excitement about change. Within a short period of time that change turns into inaction and the realization that we have failed again. Perhaps a different perspective needs to be acquired.

I should point out that New Year's Day is just an artificial marker in our lives year in and year out. Why does it have to be around this time of year that we make this kind of decision or goal? Why not strip away the artificial marker and make reaching our dreams and goals a life long pursuit?

I want to leave you with something that my specialist told me during an office visit. He said that many people are realizing that losing weight or dieting is not an end in itself. Losing weight, eating right, exercising and mental preparation are a lifestyle change! Are we willing to commit to a lifestyle change in order to achieve our goals and dreams? If you want to give to yourself and to others you must be prepared to do that!

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

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The Art of Communication

I have the privilege of coordinating a fairly good sized meeting once a year for the company where I am employed. About 300 hundred people attend this yearly meeting and there is much preparation that goes into making this event successful. I have to choose the location, the staff and in some cases housing as well. It is a tough job but rewarding at its successful conclusion.

Because I have coordinated this event for several years, I have gathered a staff of some of the finest people that I have worked with in the industry. Many of the staff are repeats from year to year and know their jobs well. It is reassuring having them back year after year and knowing that they are going to do a great job in their area of expertise.

I don't have to tell them what to do in their particular responsibility because they already know what needs to be done. They size up the situation and go to work making their area of responsibility run smoothly throughout the convention. I trust them completely.

I don't know that much about security issues but I want it to be secure. I don't know very much about staffing issues but I want the convention to be adequately staffed. I don't have expertise in the area of music or information but I want that area to go well. I don't have to know all these areas but I have to communicate what I want to see as an end product.

What does this take in order for this to be accomplished? The Art of Communication! Yes, it is an art and it is an art that needs continual practice!

None of us have the time or the mental capacity to know everything about every area of concern in whatever field of work that we are currently in. It is just impossible to do this. Sometimes when we try to take all of this to ourselves we end up short-circuiting the entire operation because we aren't willing to trust and have the respect for those who have a better perspective about an area of our work than we do. What is our response to this?

Our response to this concern largely determines the success of our work in our field of endeavor.

Many people think that they communicate their concerns and opinions to others when in fact they are just talking. Communicating is so much more than just talking. The definition of communication is the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, etc. So proper communication skills includes listening as well as speaking! We listen to each other and ask questions to make sure that we have understood each other.

When we hire people to work with us we should hire people that we respect and trust. Respect is a component of good communication skills. Respect is what keeps the channels of communication open when relationships run into roadblocks! We need to develop respect for each other so that effective communication can flourish in our relationships. What does that take?

I was pleased to read Mike McKinney's blog this week because he has identified some obstacles that can get in the way of respect and good communication.

Mike is quoting from a book by Air Force fighter pilot Rob "Waldo" Waldman, entitled "Never Fly Solo". Let me give you a quote from it:

Waldo says, “There is a limit to how much you can learn on your own. A good wingman will give you mission-critical feedback, catch your errors, ask questions, and propose challenging scenarios to push you to grow in your skills and mental discipline.” Encouraging others to look out for our blind spots requires a great deal of mutual trust. “These trusted partners, male or female, are your wingmen.”

Are we building the mutual trust and respect that we need for effective communication? Mr. Waldman states that we must build it in ourselves first in order for it to take place in our sphere of influence. Whether it is your family, friendships or at work, build these components of good communication into your skill set so that your relationships will have effective communication.

Will Marré weighs in on the Tiger Woods situation and gives a balanced overview of how we should look at people in the public's eye.

Steve Wiley in The Scientist.com writes that there are communication problems in the scientific circles as well. Here's a quote:

"Open and honest debate has always been necessary for the best science, but mutual respect between the participants is necessary to make it work."

There's that aspect of respect again. It looks as though respect is essential in all areas of our endeavors in order to properly communicate and succeed.

Finally, communication is critical in cases of depression and potential suicide in teenagers. Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg states this:

“They might act angry. But what you’re communicating is: ‘I really listened, I heard you. I’m going to see that you get help, I’m going to take the action you deserve.’ ”

We all need to listen and ask questions and not be afraid to stand up and make sure those around have access to the help and encouragement that they need. It is through this type of respect and trust that effective communication flourishes.

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

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Something is Better than Nothing -- Wrong!

You have probably all heard by now that the House of Representatives have passed their version of a heath care reform bill. It dominated the news over the weekend and I woke up Sunday morning to the twitter boards alive with the news.

What I heard many times were individuals stating that it was good that something happened positively in regards to passing some sort of legislation for health care reform. The sentiment in some of the tweets was that something is better than nothing. Is that really a correct or proper perspective?

I don't think anyone disagrees that health care reform is necessary but is something really better than nothing if it is wrong? I'm not here to debate the issues involved in health care but what I am concerned about is the idea that something is better than nothing.

We live in a very transient world -- families are spread around the globe and the idea of a nuclear family close and connected is becoming less of the norm as we move forward in time. We are hooked up to immediate news and immediate gratification and when information or decision-making materials are not readily at our disposal, we can get impatient and make impulsive decisions. Our opinions can be based on little or no factual information sometimes and that can be dangerous. Is something better than nothing based on this scenario?

Is some of the wrong medication better for a person than none at all? It could be lethal! Is wrong education really better if it leads us to wrong conclusions? I doubt it! Is reading material that pollutes our mind okay in small doses because it is a least something to read? Do you see how ridiculous this can be?

A great deal of damage can be caused by decisions based on wrong or impartial information. It is true that many times we hear what we want to hear and miss an entire body of information that would change our mind on a certain issue. It's important then that we not only listen attentively but also ask the right questions. In fact, it is our responsibility to ask the right questions! If the answers are not given we must pursue it to ensure that truth is what guides us.

This should be the case in so many areas of our lives. Are we asking the right questions of our employers when we are asked to pursue some act of employment that offends our conscience? Asking the right question could lead to changing policies that harm. You can read about it here.

Kevin Eikenberry says that it would be nice if we could just schedule and complete things that we like and find fun, we should also schedule things that help us be our best. When we do that, Eikenberry says that we will be pleased with the results.

On a lighter note, Sesame Street turns 40 this week! It is hard to believe that the program has been around that long -- it has educated children for a long time. Michelle Obama makes a guest appearance.

So something is not always better than nothing especially if it based on wrong information or motives. I hope that we will always seek for truth and live our lives accordingly.

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

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A Return to Civility -- Please!

I have the luxury of living next to a beautiful city park that has a walking track around it. Most mornings I walk with my daughters for about 45 minutes and it really helps for the waistline, fitness and clarity of thought!

The other morning we were walking as we usually do and there happened to be a television crew filming a series in the park and there was a lot of equipment and people around the park. As we kept walking, we came upon a group of four or five people that were blocking the walking trail. We thought as we approached them that they would move out of the way but instead they looked at us and continued to talk to themselves and ignored us. We just walked around them.

As we continued to walk around the track to the same spot, they were still just standing in the middle of the track and were not moving out of the way. What is ironic is that there are signs around this park stating that it is a trail for walking, running and horseback riding!

It seemed to us that those four or five people were uninterested in moving out of the way for the many people that were either walking or jogging. They just stood there with their arms folded and watched as everyone had to walk around them on the street or the parking lot.

I will admit that this is a minor case of incivility but it got me thinking about the general topic. If you have been reading the news lately you will have heard that incivility in not an uncommon occurrence. What makes us act and react in this way? Can you think of any times that you have been in an uncivil frame of mind?

In Wikipedia, I think it tells us best, that incivility is a "general term for social behavior lacking in civility or good manners, on a scale from rudeness or lack of respect for elders, to vandalism and hooliganism, through public drunkenness and threatening behavior." Have we seen any of this type of behavior lately from others or ourselves? If so, why is it happening?

In the case of many of the sports stars that act rudely within the context of their sport, it seems when an action or judgment is made that interferes with their perceived good judgment, a backlash of anger and crudeness erupts. It is usually followed in the media by an apology. It seems that when things don't go our way, we have to not only blame someone else but we must demean them.

Let's take the great "debate" on health care. Does anyone disagree that there is a need for reform within the system? I doubt it! Has there really been a debate over the issues? It appears to me that it has just settled into a smear campaign and the real issues are not being discussed. Why can't we have a debate over issues from opposing points of view without getting uncivil about it? What has happened to debate as a means of discussing issues in a spirited but civil environment?

When we move away from issues quickly and imply motive and assign character flaws to the arguments we will always fail in our attempt to find justice or fix a problem. We may win the moment but the victory will be hollow.

Could we say that incivility is absolute selfishness in action? We don't care what happens to others because we want what we want, when we want it. The bottom line is me! That type of mindset has to change in order for civility to return to our society.

Will Marré has written a book entitled, "Save the World and Still Be Home for Dinner". In it he explores the "me first" attitude of people and businesses and says that the model for charity has to change. You can watch an interview here.

Steve Roesler states that we need to ask questions in order to find out what employees really need for training purposes. If we listen just to the manager or sponsor we usually don't get a wide enough perspective to be inclusive of all of the employees. Ask the right questions!

David Brooks makes a troubling assessment of character in our lives as he views the subject through the new movie, "Where the Wild Things Are".

We see a tragic end to a person's life because of a disagreement or misunderstanding in this story. It could have started out as a disagreement but it ended up in the worst possible way for the victim -- where is the smallest amount of civility in this situation?

When I think about the group that was standing on the track in the park, oblivious to anyone or anything around them, I think it was a minor example of incivility. But where does it go from there? Little indiscretions tend to grow into bigger problems if we don't pay attention to them and fix the source of the problem.

If we ask questions and look outside of ourselves and see how we are affecting others, we may end up contributing to return of civility. Can we care enough to do that?

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

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