Are We Enjoying the Journey?

If you have read very many of my blogs, you will come to realize that I am a big proponent of goal setting. If we don't write down our goals and the road blocks that might occur we will never achieve our true potential. We won't have a road map to follow so we end up somewhere else besides where we want our dreams to take us.

I wonder though if some of us are so goal oriented that we forget the journey that we are on. There is no one who is on this journey alone. All of us have people that care for us, unique environments that surround us and challenges and decisions that can and will define us. Have we come to appreciate the day to day blessings that come by interacting and working with special people and families?

Do we strive for our goals at a pace that precludes any interaction and appreciation of what happens before our very eyes if we are conscious enough to notice it?

Many times we miss so much because we are going through personal trials that blind us to other's needs and desires. Even under substantial stress we should be able to appreciate someone else's needs or wants if we look for it.

Do we appreciate the milestones that happen in our children's lives or our friend's accomplishments that we might unintentionally overlook or undervalue? Do we see the bond that is building between our teenager and our mate? Do we appreciate the effort that our maturing children are taking to communicate, learn and grow? Do we comment on it and add to the sum of the parts?

Have we surveyed what is at our disposal and how it helps us to become a complete person? Do we realize that we are more than just the sum of all our individual parts? When we combine with all the elements around us, we receive strength beyond our resources! Don't diminish the journey and the impact that it should have on us. As I have said before, most of us do not slow down long enough to catch the details.

I am reading a novel by Paul Polak entitled, "Out of Poverty". Polak muses over the traditional ways of fighting poverty. The Western brand of poverty eradication is throwing money at a situation. If it doesn't work we funnel more money at the problem and it still doesn't work. Why not?

Polak states that is because we don't go to the people and listen to what they know is the problem. We make our minds up ahead of time and bulldoze our way to the goal we think is in their mind. It hasn't worked and it never will. When will we as a society and culture stop bulldozing and start listening? Most organizations that help don't listen to the details -- we as members of this society must start to listen! Polak states that we must listen and then think simply in order for success to happen.

You can take a look at the book here.

Some of us have been thrown into situations that are less than ideal. We aren't given concrete guidelines or expectations to govern our plans and that can cause stress for ourselves and those within our sphere of influence. Steve Roesler states that we need feedback from the people who are going to help us the most. Do we stop to listen to them?

Courageous people take the time to assess the journey and contribute in ways that enhance the sum of our parts. Miep Gies was one of those people. She didn't discount the importance of looking around for fellow sojourners and offering help -- she has left us with a legacy of hope and sustainability.

All of us have the opportunity to do something small but important that enhances someone else's life and at the same time, ours as well. What is it that you and I can notice on the way to accomplishing our goals and dreams?

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

A Return to Civility -- Please!

I have the luxury of living next to a beautiful city park that has a walking track around it. Most mornings I walk with my daughters for about 45 minutes and it really helps for the waistline, fitness and clarity of thought!

The other morning we were walking as we usually do and there happened to be a television crew filming a series in the park and there was a lot of equipment and people around the park. As we kept walking, we came upon a group of four or five people that were blocking the walking trail. We thought as we approached them that they would move out of the way but instead they looked at us and continued to talk to themselves and ignored us. We just walked around them.

As we continued to walk around the track to the same spot, they were still just standing in the middle of the track and were not moving out of the way. What is ironic is that there are signs around this park stating that it is a trail for walking, running and horseback riding!

It seemed to us that those four or five people were uninterested in moving out of the way for the many people that were either walking or jogging. They just stood there with their arms folded and watched as everyone had to walk around them on the street or the parking lot.

I will admit that this is a minor case of incivility but it got me thinking about the general topic. If you have been reading the news lately you will have heard that incivility in not an uncommon occurrence. What makes us act and react in this way? Can you think of any times that you have been in an uncivil frame of mind?

In Wikipedia, I think it tells us best, that incivility is a "general term for social behavior lacking in civility or good manners, on a scale from rudeness or lack of respect for elders, to vandalism and hooliganism, through public drunkenness and threatening behavior." Have we seen any of this type of behavior lately from others or ourselves? If so, why is it happening?

In the case of many of the sports stars that act rudely within the context of their sport, it seems when an action or judgment is made that interferes with their perceived good judgment, a backlash of anger and crudeness erupts. It is usually followed in the media by an apology. It seems that when things don't go our way, we have to not only blame someone else but we must demean them.

Let's take the great "debate" on health care. Does anyone disagree that there is a need for reform within the system? I doubt it! Has there really been a debate over the issues? It appears to me that it has just settled into a smear campaign and the real issues are not being discussed. Why can't we have a debate over issues from opposing points of view without getting uncivil about it? What has happened to debate as a means of discussing issues in a spirited but civil environment?

When we move away from issues quickly and imply motive and assign character flaws to the arguments we will always fail in our attempt to find justice or fix a problem. We may win the moment but the victory will be hollow.

Could we say that incivility is absolute selfishness in action? We don't care what happens to others because we want what we want, when we want it. The bottom line is me! That type of mindset has to change in order for civility to return to our society.

Will Marré has written a book entitled, "Save the World and Still Be Home for Dinner". In it he explores the "me first" attitude of people and businesses and says that the model for charity has to change. You can watch an interview here.

Steve Roesler states that we need to ask questions in order to find out what employees really need for training purposes. If we listen just to the manager or sponsor we usually don't get a wide enough perspective to be inclusive of all of the employees. Ask the right questions!

David Brooks makes a troubling assessment of character in our lives as he views the subject through the new movie, "Where the Wild Things Are".

We see a tragic end to a person's life because of a disagreement or misunderstanding in this story. It could have started out as a disagreement but it ended up in the worst possible way for the victim -- where is the smallest amount of civility in this situation?

When I think about the group that was standing on the track in the park, oblivious to anyone or anything around them, I think it was a minor example of incivility. But where does it go from there? Little indiscretions tend to grow into bigger problems if we don't pay attention to them and fix the source of the problem.

If we ask questions and look outside of ourselves and see how we are affecting others, we may end up contributing to return of civility. Can we care enough to do that?

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

Add to: | Technorati | Digg | del.icio.us | Yahoo | BlinkList | Spurl | reddit | Furl |

A Relationship with Anything is Hard Work!

Last weekend I addressed a group of people that were "roughing" it in the Southern California mountains at Camp Condor. This area is a beautiful part of California near Gorman, California about 80 miles north of Los Angeles. We had met there to get away from the city and to get to know each other a little better.

I asked the group how many of them had lived their entire life in Southern California. About 7 people out of the 60+ people raised their hands. I explained that most of us have moved around a bit and because of that possibly could have less than a stellar approach to commitment.

I also explained that we can tend to lose focus because of what faces us everyday in the way of information. Internet searches can take us off track so easily and we can still feel that we learned so much by doing that. In reality, we have wasted a huge amount of time by getting off track like that repeatedly throughout the day and not staying focused on our original task.

Think about this in the context of relationships with anything -- does being overloaded with informational options tend to keep us from cementing solid relationships in all areas of our lives?

How many of us understand how much work goes into building a solid marriage? Have many of us have grown a garden or raised animals for food? Have we ever had to repair a fractured relationship? Have we cared for our elderly parents or grandparents?

All relationships, whether with the land, animals, people or perhaps, the environment, take a huge amount of work. Shortcuts rarely work and many times can be incredibly destructive. We are told, however, that we are to live life to the fullest and within that message can come a lack of commitment to values that sustain communities.

What is the result? An agriculture system that uses pesticides and fertilizers that are harmful to humans and the environment. A nursing home industry that is overloaded and in many ways, impersonal. A fast food industry that provides a substantial percentage of our daily diet in foods that actually can kill us if we indulge too much. Relationships that are so shallow! We probably don't even know our next neighbors in many cases. In many ways, we have received exactly what our lifestyles have demanded for us.

While at this camp, I talked to someone who teaches children who have emotional problems. We discussed that his main goal was to teach these young people how to properly think about themselves and the relationships that they have with others. How about us? Do we take the time to properly think about the different relationships that we should have with everything around us or are we so overloaded with informational options that we have lost the focus that it takes to do that?

Have we lost the commitment to values that sustain a community? If we have, how do we change? First of all, we must realize that solid relationships with anything take time and hard work. Are we committed to these relationships even knowing that is the case? Secondly, we must think about the impact that our conduct and lifestyle has on everything around us -- are we ready to change if we are taking a detrimental approach to values that sustain a community? Every little part helps to create the whole effect!

It means that we have to pay as much attention to what is around us as we do to what we want for ourselves.

It is interesting to note that many people are starting see that they are out of touch with some of the aspects of their community. Whether it is their career choices or raising some of their own food, people are thinking about how they affect the communities in which they live.

Steve Roesler tells us that a little sweetness goes a long ways to attract the right relationships. He also states that we need to sit back and survey what is around us once and a while to gain perspective.

On a sad note, Ted Kennedy has died. Whether you agreed with him or not, you have to admit that he was a integral part of the American landscape for years. George Will writes a balanced perspective on his life.

Gerald Sindell has developed a system called the Genius Machine. Sindell states that after you have used the Genius Machine for a while you will turn into a noticer of things. You will become a better listener as well. These two qualities can help in your quest to be more aware of what is around you. You can read about this on Mike McKinney's blog.

While at the camp, I realized how much there was to the environment that was around me. I was able to focus in on the little things and realize how much makes up what we see around us. It made me think about how I impact what is in my sphere of influence. I hope this article will help you do the same.

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

Cherish What We Have and Get Ready for Change!

I remember the first time that I saw it -- it was a deep cherry color and the pickups were a polished black. I had never seen anything that had so much depth in color. The only blemish was a nick in one of the frets. I figured that I could fix that by polishing it out over time. My 1959 cherry-colored Gibson Melody Maker was perfect for what I wanted and I was getting it for a great price.

I imagine that most of you probably don't get as passionate about an old guitar as I do. This guitar had the best sound that I had heard up to that point. The lead guitarist in our band had a Les Paul but I couldn't afford one and I was the rhythm guitarist for the band and this seemed like the perfect fit.

I played for one more year in that band -- I never did fix the nick in the fret. I just learned to play around it. I had decided that it was time to go back to college so that I could earn a living if by chance I wasn't the next Jimmy Page. I wasn't! In fact, I never played in a band ever again.

I had moved out to Oregon and returned to school to learn how produce, direct and edit video. I had met a lot of new people and Oregon in the early to mid 70's was an eye-opening place for a small town Minnesota boy. I met all sorts of people that would never have been accepted in my small town community simply because of their behavior. I really didn't know what I was getting myself into out west.

I had met a group of friends through a mutual friend and somehow they had persuaded the mutual friend to let them stay at our apartment while we were taking a long weekend up in the Cascade Mountains. I didn't realize this was happening.

I returned home to find that all of my music, stereo system, my banjo and my beautiful Melody Maker were all gone. My "friends" were never to be seen again and neither was my guitar. It broke my heart! I had always taken for granted that I would have my beautiful guitar and eventually get the nick polished out of the fret and have this beautiful antique to play for a long, long time. It just didn't happen the way I envisioned it.

We look at our lives that way sometimes as well, don't we? We actually look at other people's lives that way, too. We figure, sometimes, that the way it is today is always the way it is going to be for us. It probably comes from youthful naivety and lack of forward thinking. It isn't something that is taught in school.

I guess that there are a couple of lessons that I should have learned out of that situation. First of all, choose your friends wisely. I probably shouldn't have been a roommate with the mutual friend that invited the group of "friends" over to our apartment. I hadn't really investigated it very much because I thought that everyone was on the level, aren't they?

Secondly, we should cherish what we have and realize that what we have now and those things that surround us now most likely will not be with us all that long. Life is about experiences and adapting to change when new experiences come our way. Sometimes it is adapting to a new set of circumstances when what we have around us suddenly disappears. We choose our reaction to those changes.

A guitar legend, Les Paul, who has been around a long time and who was so influential in shaping the modern music world, died yesterday at 94 years of age. You can read a couple of news stories about him at Fox News and the New York Times.

Many of you may not enjoy skateboarding (I don't) but you have to appreciate the dedication that skateboarders have to their art. They risk bodily harm to perfect their skills and in some cases give themselves a way to escape the inner city crime scenes of the big city. Andy Kessler, a legendary New York City skateboarder died unexpectedly from an insect bite. You can read about his impact on the inner city skateboard scene here. The article is entitled, "The End of Falling".

Steve Roesler tells us that there are different ways to learn. I especially like point #4 -- make room for the new! New and different opportunities are going to come our way. How do we adapt to them?

For you guitar enthusiasts, I have posted a link to YouTube that gives a demonstration on the new Gibson Melody Maker -- they're bringing them back! Gibson isn't bringing back the cherry colored one but this one will do!

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

The Mirror of Friendship!

I have just returned from directing a teen camp in Southwest Washington. It was a wonderful experience and something that I relish from year to year.

I chauffeured 5 teens up to the camp and 5 teens back to California on a road trip that was quite enjoyable considering the energy and interests of the teens with me. I had a great time!

It is amazing the beauty that you can see on one of these road trips. Sometimes we need to stop and look around and let the natural beauty of what surrounds us soak into our minds. I think most of us have a "Phoenix by sunset" mentality when we travel and that limits our ability to allow this to happen. When we slow down we notice things that we wouldn't normally see if we are in a hurry.

One of the things I noticed, especially in Oregon, was the clear-cutting of the forests that had taken place. I'm not here to judge whether that is right or wrong but it did startle me. There were many places where there was a thin line of trees that had been left standing to cover up the clear cutting that I could see from the freeway. It was just a facade! It didn't change the fact that what appeared to be a beautiful stand of douglas firs was simply a thin line of trees to cover up what was behind it.

Sometimes I wonder if we aren't that way in our lives. We have a thin veneer of a facade but behind this facade is something that is different than what most everyone else sees. We think that what is behind is covered up by this facade but almost everyone can see the real landscape if they slow down and take a look.

There are two aspects to this analogy -- we deceive ourselves by thinking that we have covered up what is really inside us and secondly, how many of us slow down so that we can really observe what is going on in someone's life? Perhaps there is a chance for a comment that could help.

George Herbert states that the best mirror is an old friend. We need to be very careful in our approach but we need to help our friends when they are in need! Think about the person that is walking around with their shirt buttoned unevenly -- it looks really odd! You go to that person and tell them what everyone else except for them can see. Shouldn't it be the same way with our personal shortcomings and blemishes? We wouldn't want our friends (or anyone) to go around thinking they are fine but everyone else can see what is wrong. We go to our friends and gently provide the mirror for them.

Conversely, we know when we are off base, mostly. We know when we aren't living up to the standards that we hold dear to us. What usually needs to be done is painful to change but afterwards a quiet, satisfied feeling accompanies being able to overcome something that had kept us from fulfilling our potential. Together, we become stronger!

When someone is performing the delicate task of being a mirror, please don't react harshly. What I have found is that even if I don't agree with the person that is approaching me, I can find useful critique to help me become a better person. It takes courage to listen without getting our defenses up.

I have included a picture of my favorite spot in the Northwest -- I hope that you find it inspiring! Also, I have included a link to an article in the NY Times about summer camps and one danger that goes along with attending some of them.

Steve Roesler states that character and persistence trump adversity -- it's a valuable lesson to have learned when we find ourselves face to face with the need to change. It can be done!

Remember what Goethe says about friendship: "Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being."

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier