The Character that Should Define Us!

Quite a few years ago, I worked for a company that had an employee softball league. There were all levels of competency in the different employee teams and every year teams came into a 4 team playoff for the championship.

One of the last years that I played in this league we were playing for the league championship against a team that was perennially in the championship game. They had a lot of talented players on their team and were very vocal about their abilities. You could say that they were arrogant about their team and their abilities.

We had lost the first game to them in a very close decision and were playing a second game to try to force a third game to stay alive in the championship tournament. It wasn't going very well at all and in fact, we were losing by a large margin toward the end of the game.

I played left field and a young man played center field beside me. As the game wore down, the vocal boasting and teasing by the other team started wearing on my young friend. He was beginning to feel compelled to march into their team bench and give them a word or two to straighten them out!

I calmed this young friend down and asked him if this game defined who we were as complete individuals. He had to admit that it didn't but he said that "they're laughing at us"! I asked him if the other team really knew who we were and what our character was and what we truly stood for? He answered that they probably didn't understand too much about us. I told him that they were just acting childishly and that we should ignore them.

It would have been very easy for our team to be offended with this team and taken action but thankfully we had a lot of mature employees on the team and this game was an outlet for fun and that was it! It didn't affect our pride - we were beaten by a physically better team.

How many of us are physically and emotionally affected by actions of other people and react in a way that harms us more than it does them? Whether we react in anger, jealousy, indifference, or physical abuse, does it ever make the situation better? Conversely, does it shape our character in a way that reflects negatively on the well-being of our state of mind?

Another friend of mine stated in a speech that the way we can overcome doing things that negatively affect our character is to listen, wait and then act. In this way, we can think about our actions and the consequences before act rashly.

I recently read where a University of Oregon football player swung at and hit an opponent and knocked him down to the ground after the opponent teased him about losing the game. Consequently, the U of O player was suspended for the season. It was a senseless act that contributed to a very painful consequence. Neither player really knew what the other player stood for but the Oregon player took actions that could shape his character in a negative way -- we'll see how he responds to this adversity.

Our children are given messages through various media outlets that tell them that it is "all about me". That sex outside of marriage is the norm and girls, especially, must dress provocatively to be attractive. Taking actions on these messages can damage the character that they need to combat these messages and bring consequences that could control them for years to come. You can read about it here.

Are we saving enough for the future? One of the main reasons we are in a huge recession is that not many of us save any money at all. Too many of us misuse credit cards and other credit instruments. But again, the messages that we hear are to live for today and pay later. That catches up with us after a while and can have devastating effects on our financial welfare. What are we to do? Work out a comprehensive plan and stick to it! We will have to make sacrifices but it will be well worth it if we become financially secure! We should do a financial checkup so that we won't suffer the adverse affects of poor financial planning!

I would like to refer back to Gerald Sindell's book, "The Genius Machine". Mr. Sindell states that we should be asking the right questions in regards to our ideas and actions. I wholeheartedly agree with that! Number 3 on the list is implication (to explore all the consequences to our ideas). I would add that we must explore the consequences of our actions as well and we must do it before we act. Take another look at the different steps of the Genius Machine!

In so many situations in our lives, we allow other people and events to define who we are simply because we haven't developed the character to counteract the emotion that comes along when a significant emotional event (SEE) happens in our life.

My friend could have really gotten into trouble -- maybe he could have even gotten fired if he would have acted rashly. Because he didn't he was able self-evaluate and realize that the words the other team was saying about us or him didn't define who we really were. It wasn't our character that they were attacking, it was our pride! Pride can get us into deep trouble if we are not mature in our thinking.

Don't let what someone says about us or an emotional event define who we are. Listen, wait and then act and let the patience that comes from confidence and mature thinking continue to form the character that lasts forever!

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier

Add to: | Technorati | Digg | del.icio.us | Yahoo | BlinkList | Spurl | reddit | Furl |

A Relationship with Anything is Hard Work!

Last weekend I addressed a group of people that were "roughing" it in the Southern California mountains at Camp Condor. This area is a beautiful part of California near Gorman, California about 80 miles north of Los Angeles. We had met there to get away from the city and to get to know each other a little better.

I asked the group how many of them had lived their entire life in Southern California. About 7 people out of the 60+ people raised their hands. I explained that most of us have moved around a bit and because of that possibly could have less than a stellar approach to commitment.

I also explained that we can tend to lose focus because of what faces us everyday in the way of information. Internet searches can take us off track so easily and we can still feel that we learned so much by doing that. In reality, we have wasted a huge amount of time by getting off track like that repeatedly throughout the day and not staying focused on our original task.

Think about this in the context of relationships with anything -- does being overloaded with informational options tend to keep us from cementing solid relationships in all areas of our lives?

How many of us understand how much work goes into building a solid marriage? Have many of us have grown a garden or raised animals for food? Have we ever had to repair a fractured relationship? Have we cared for our elderly parents or grandparents?

All relationships, whether with the land, animals, people or perhaps, the environment, take a huge amount of work. Shortcuts rarely work and many times can be incredibly destructive. We are told, however, that we are to live life to the fullest and within that message can come a lack of commitment to values that sustain communities.

What is the result? An agriculture system that uses pesticides and fertilizers that are harmful to humans and the environment. A nursing home industry that is overloaded and in many ways, impersonal. A fast food industry that provides a substantial percentage of our daily diet in foods that actually can kill us if we indulge too much. Relationships that are so shallow! We probably don't even know our next neighbors in many cases. In many ways, we have received exactly what our lifestyles have demanded for us.

While at this camp, I talked to someone who teaches children who have emotional problems. We discussed that his main goal was to teach these young people how to properly think about themselves and the relationships that they have with others. How about us? Do we take the time to properly think about the different relationships that we should have with everything around us or are we so overloaded with informational options that we have lost the focus that it takes to do that?

Have we lost the commitment to values that sustain a community? If we have, how do we change? First of all, we must realize that solid relationships with anything take time and hard work. Are we committed to these relationships even knowing that is the case? Secondly, we must think about the impact that our conduct and lifestyle has on everything around us -- are we ready to change if we are taking a detrimental approach to values that sustain a community? Every little part helps to create the whole effect!

It means that we have to pay as much attention to what is around us as we do to what we want for ourselves.

It is interesting to note that many people are starting see that they are out of touch with some of the aspects of their community. Whether it is their career choices or raising some of their own food, people are thinking about how they affect the communities in which they live.

Steve Roesler tells us that a little sweetness goes a long ways to attract the right relationships. He also states that we need to sit back and survey what is around us once and a while to gain perspective.

On a sad note, Ted Kennedy has died. Whether you agreed with him or not, you have to admit that he was a integral part of the American landscape for years. George Will writes a balanced perspective on his life.

Gerald Sindell has developed a system called the Genius Machine. Sindell states that after you have used the Genius Machine for a while you will turn into a noticer of things. You will become a better listener as well. These two qualities can help in your quest to be more aware of what is around you. You can read about this on Mike McKinney's blog.

While at the camp, I realized how much there was to the environment that was around me. I was able to focus in on the little things and realize how much makes up what we see around us. It made me think about how I impact what is in my sphere of influence. I hope this article will help you do the same.

Until next time,

Jerry de Gier