I have been keeping this routine for about 5 years and as I walk around the park the other faces change from time to time. There are very few people that were exercising 5 years ago that are still at the park exercising today. But for the last two years it seems that we have formed a pretty consistent group that walks early in the morning.
I have come to know some of the joggers/walkers by name and I look forward to saying hi every morning. It is fun to see them out there every morning laboring away at the same goal that I have for myself -- to lose weigh and/or get in shape!
There is another group that is out there everyday that will not say hi to me unless I say hi to them first. I really don't understand it because I have said hi to them a hundred times but they still look down when approaching and won't say anything unless I take the first step. It is like they have a personal space that they don't want invaded.
Every now and then my daughters walk with me and they are amused that I have a goal to say hi to everyone that is on the track in the park. My daughters say that I will have that reputation of "the man at the park that always says hi" if I keep doing what I'm doing. I think that type of reputation is one that I would like to have for myself. It is something that I try to do all the time in every situation.
One time our family was in Hawaii for a vacation and we were in the elevator with an elderly couple. I said hi and starting asking where they were from and what they were doing in Hawaii. After they got off the elevator one of my daughters asked why I talked to everyone and made the effort to communicate with this couple from Iowa. After all, she said, they could be killers or ax-murderers! I assured her that an 80 year old couple from Iowa would probably not make very good ax-murderers and that I was just trying to be friendly and build bridges.
This incident seems funny but let's put it into real life situations.
What keeps you and me from talking to each other, whether it is on the track in a park or in an elevator? You know the drill -- you stare at the floor numbers in the elevator and are painfully aware that it is taking forever to get to the floor that you are on in order so that you can jump out and go to your room and lock the door! What makes us put our head down so that we don't have to make eye contact and say hi?
It isn't just in personal relationships, either. It happens in international relationships and between businesses as well. Many things are said from afar where eye to eye contact can't be made and therefore accusations and assumptions spread more easily. It is harder to say something critical about someone when you are looking them in the eye, isn't it? Perhaps the reason we don't want to open up to people wherever we see them is that it opens up a piece of our private space to them and we feel vulnerable.
Opening up and perhaps being vulnerable is exactly what we have to do to build bridges to stronger relationships. But it takes practice! Try it sometime for an extended period of time. Try to assess if you feel more confident in how you feel about you and your private space.
It will begin to improve one little step at a time!
Mike McKinney states that we need to develop a "small-wins" strategy for success. Mike states that small-wins mentality focuses on the here and now. What is working for us now opens up our thinking to possibilities and paves the way for improving the process. Think about this strategy when it comes to communicating with someone and opening ourselves up for new possibilities for relationships.
There are a lot of movies coming out right now that are documentaries about celebrities. People apparently want to know the real story about fallen celebrities or politicians or celebrities making comebacks and the films are starting to make a splash at the box office and on television. When a disgraced celebrity agrees to cooperate with the filmmaker the tone seems to be a bit gentler because of having to look at them face to face. That's an interesting point! You can read about it here.
We might even have science on our side if we don't like talking to people or have difficulty being close to people. It might be that our amygdalae, a region in the brain that controls fear and the processing of emotion might be damaged or not functioning properly. Time.com writer John Cloud explores what this means for some of us.
So how big does our private space need to be? If it is quite large, is it hurting our chances of nurturing relationships and meeting new friends or just building bridges? I suggest that we say hi to the 80 year old couple from Iowa in the elevator and take the chance that they aren't killers or ax-murderers!
Until next time,
Jerry de Gier
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