The other day I was working out of my home office and my wife called me and said that someone was breaking in to the next door neighbor’s lot. He has the lot for sale but he doesn’t live in the area so he has asked me to look after it.
It appeared that someone had simply kicked in the front gate in order to look at the property and when I confronted the individual inside the property he became very angry.
He intimated that he had lots of money and could do what he wanted. I told him that he needed to call the broker and set up an appointment so that he didn’t have to destroy my neighbor’s property just to look at it.
His response was to go back to doing what I do on Sundays such as watching television or something!
What has happened to civility and manners?
We have heard so much about this recently but it doesn’t seem as though anyone wants to practice it anytime soon. We have heard it from all levels of society without any apparent adherence to the advice – from the givers or the receivers.
What makes our societies and us – because we make up our societies – so ready to be rude? What has happened to us that we feel we can break rules and etiquette and be angry at the person that is trying to set us straight?
I read in “Anger, The Misunderstood Emotion” by Carol Tavris that anger often comes from selfishness. We don’t get our way so we become angry. We are bothered by something or someone and we become incensed at whatever is that is in our way. I see it in myself sometimes when I am on the road.
When someone catches us doing something that we know is wrong but we have done it anyway, we probably resort to just about anything to cover up our embarrassment or uneasiness at getting caught. But it doesn’t give anyone the right to become rude or obnoxious.
Another area where we can forget our manners is at people’s homes. Unless we know the family well we can be rude by inviting ourselves over and assuming that is okay. We need to be mindful of other people’s time, privacy and belongings. It can be offensive to have unwanted guests especially when they come without gratitude.
Where does the ingratitude and rudeness begin?
A recent AP annual “rudeness poll” found that almost 70 percent of people polled thought that America, as a society, was more rude than 20 or 30 years ago. What was the cause? Parents aren’t teaching their children manners at home.
Marybeth Hicks in her blog, Family Matters, states the obvious about the AP poll!
Let's assume that a majority of the people polled are parents. That mean parents are able to see and admit a problem and realize that they are at least partly to blame for it (in this case, mostly to blame), yet they aren't changing their parenting styles or their expectations of their kids.
She goes on to say that “every mom routinely coaches her pre-schooler to use the ‘magic’ words, ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ But unfortunately, because the standards for social behavior and manners have sunk so low, we might decide it's no longer necessary to teach the rest of the rule book.”
We have to teach the rest of the rule book in order to maintain the level of civility that affords manners that are sensitive to the needs of others.
Ms. Hicks quotes Emily Post to drive home the point. "Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use."
Please pass the good manners! Thank you!
Until next time,
Jerry de Gier
