One couple is to the point where they can't move around unless they are using walkers. The husband has to keep his leg elevated in order for it not to throb for most of the day. He said he is feeling the effects of growing older. I asked him if he was frustrated by this condition and he responded that "it comes with the territory!" I hope that I can say that when health challenges start to plague me!
Another elderly friend has suffered a couple of strokes and is in a nursing home. She is not always able to explain clearly what she wants to convey to her listeners. One word can mean several different things to her and the listener has to figure out what she is trying to say. It can be a trying time for both the speaker and the listener.
I asked a speech pathologist if my friend was thinking properly and she stated the indeed she was clear in her thinking but because of the location of the stroke, could not convey with clarity what she was trying to say. How frustrating for her!
This got me thinking about communication and how we can take it for granted. I'm sure this friend of mine that struggles to convey her thoughts would give almost anything so that she could communicate with ease with those around her. Most of us, if given the chance, can communicate with ease yet sometimes we choose to be lazy and miscommunicate or under-communicate essential information and emotion.
George Bernard Shaw once said that the single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place!
We think that we have talked to someone about something but in reality we haven't communicated anything because we haven't thought about the words we use to describe what we want to say! Huh?
Like my friend who uses the same word for several different people, places or objects, we don't always use the right words to communicate clearly with those around us. I see myself doing this because I want to do the shorthand version of speaking clearly. Short hand writing is clear to the one who is trained in it but to others it doesn't mean anything.
If we take shortcuts when we communicate with others the same principle applies. What we say may make sense to us but it doesn't mean anything to the person to whom we are talking. The words we use mean something to us but not to the person uneducated in our vocabulary. Our experiences, our emotions and the society in which we live all play a part in how and what we communicate.
When we assume what we say is easily understood especially if we are lazy in how we communicate, we risk being misunderstood or a relationship we treasure can be conflicted or a team with great potential can be mediocre. Is it worth choosing our words carefully when we think of communication with this end result in mind? It can be the difference between success and failure.
I'm sure my friend would give anything to back up in her life and be able to explain her intentions clearly any time that she would like to do so. Effective communication is skill that is learned but let's not take it for granted. There may come a time when the skills we enjoy or could enjoy now won't be at our disposal. My friend is experiencing this now.
Remember what Anthony Robbins says about communication: "To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others." Good advice!
Guy Deutscher writes a thoughtful article about how our mother tongue can shape our experience of the world. It will help us think about how we communicate with others and that we may need to look at communication from their perspective. You can read it here.
Mike McKinney explains how bees instinctively communicate with one another to achieve success. He uses it as a model for our success.
I hope that we will always appreciate and strive for effective communication -- don't take something for granted that could suddenly be taken away from us.
Until next time,
Jerry de Gier
